first time caller, long time listener
let's give this a crack shall we?
haven’t really decided on a format for this whole thing yet. you guys are just along for the ride with me. if you’re not subscribed yet: do that. let’s fly.
Song I Can’t Get Out Of My Head:
Lancey Foux—otherwise known as “Playboi Carti if he was British and really into Damien Hirst”—dropped his second album the week of Halloween. I’ve never really completely understood the appeal of his music, which makes the number of memes I’ve seen and the number of times I’ve had to listen to my friends sing “Dorchester” in an Xbox party a little… confusing. (To steal a recent phrase from my friends over at No Bells, Lancey’s “been ‘next up’ since we thought Kim Jung Un died.”)
But, this week, I saw the new album all over my ‘Friends Are Listening To’ page while on a long car ride and thought “…eh, why not.” I can’t say it’s all good, buuuuut I was definitely surprised at what I found. Strangely, it’s simultaneously at its most interesting and most annoying whenever he’s actually NOT trying to imitate everyone’s favorite King Vamp; he’s making some fun choices here, and I think the next Lancey album could actually have a real shot at being straight-up ‘good’……. so why did I link a song that kinda sounds like it could be a Whole Lotta Red reference track? Easy: the hook has been stuck in my head for DAYS. I was even walking into a work event this week and my boss heard me muttering ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1, take the shot’ in my best British accent right before she introduced me to some important sponsor. Oops…
Video That Has Fascinated Me:
After said work event (and several glasses of bourbon and wine), I arrived home to a wonderful gift on my timeline: these two nothing-short-of-confounding videos of former Giants quarterback Eli Manning in the studio with New York rapper Fivio Foreign.
Who got Eli this fit? Did no one tell him he looks like a 12-year-old hypebeast, or a Winnie the Pooh cosplayer? Does Eli Manning even know how to pronounce Celine? Why did Eli refer to himself as “the man in the yellow hat”—has anyone actually ever called him that? Where did Eli get a cuban link (different from the Death Row chain that Snoop Dogg gave him for ‘being so hip hop’)? Does he always look this uncomfortable? What were they doing shots of? What the hell was that noise Eli made when he took the world’s tiniest sip? And finally: what on earth does the song they made together sound like? I’m too scared to listen to it. I know it’s out. You guys can tell me. I don’t need to hear it. (But I would love to know if Eli tries to do one of Fivio’s famous ad-libs.)
Movie You Should Not Watch:
I can’t believe how many people have told me that I needed to watch the indie horror flick We’re All Going To The World’s Fair cause it’s a universal tale of the experience of growing up as a weird gay kid on the computer, and how the lines between the Internet and real life are blurring for us all, or whatever. Should be a home run for me with that synopsis! But, uh, this is just Blair Witch Project for TikTok influencers. Probably the longest, most plodding 80-minute anything I’ve ever sat through in my life; no joke, I’d rather go to a high-school graduation. (Shoutout to Alex G for a great musical score though!)
Maybe I’m just built different but I did NOT ever fall asleep listening to ASMR videos on full blast in my room with the lights on. That shit is weird!!! Nor have I ever said things like “I wonder what it would be like to be in a horror movie,” because 1) those are movies, not real life and 2) anyone who’s ever watched a horror movie knows that the gay character ALWAYS dies first.
No offense but I feel like if you’re a gen-Zer who thinks this is a perfect movie you probably didn’t have any friends until you got to college. And that’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with that! You’re valid, or whatever the kids say these days. Just don’t push this on the rest of us. Not all of us raised-by-the-Internet queers cut our teeth on writing bad creepypasta or, like, fanfiction on AO3 or whatever you all say this is supposed to be about. I’ll still always support weird indie cinema, and I’m glad people are getting something from this even if I didn’t. It’s possible that I just don’t get it, or this was not for me, but… the way it gets talked about, it seems like it was supposed to be for me! Hard pass.
TV Show I’m Sad Is Gone:
Atlanta just aired its series finale Thursday after a last-and-best fourth season. Whenever Atlanta was on, it was always the most interesting—and almost always the funniest—thing on television, and it absolutely, absolutely, absolutely achieved its goal of being “Twin Peaks with rappers.” I’m not here to speak on any of its most hotly debated topics on and off the screen (what it means to be Black, is Donald Glover a misogynist, why did Alexander Skarsgard appear on this show in a leopard-print speedo, etc), because I’m sure as HELL not qualified for that for many obvious reasons, nor am I here to talk about how I think this is probably the only great thing that Glover has created.
What I can say is that I was never bored, I never knew what the hell I was about to watch each week (and I fucking loved that), and I always immediately wanted to discuss each episode wherever I could for weeks after I watched it. It’s a shame that Atlanta shed its critical-darling and Twitter-G.O.A.T. stature after the divisive third season—not that I really blame anyone, although I did enjoy it—because I really do think it was one of the best, funniest, strangest, most daring series to ever grace the airwaves. If you dropped it in season 2 or 3, pleeeeeeease do yourself a favor and skip ahead to the fourth. I promise you will not regret it. And if you haven’t dove into one of the weirdest series we’ve ever gotten… well, there’s no time like the present.
(And before you ask, my favorite episode is Season 2’s ‘Woods,’ or maybe this season’s ‘Crank Dat Killer.’ Hot take: I never really cared for ‘Teddy Perkins!’)
Picture Of Leo I Think Is Cute
Come onnnnnnn… you didn’t really think I wouldn’t include him, did you?
In Closing
If you made it to the end here, thanks for reading all this stupid shit… DM me your favorite flavor of ice cream so I know who’s a real fan
I don’t know if I’ll do this weekly or bi-monthly or whatever, but it’s fun and a way better use of my time than doomscrolling Twitter, Instagram, or TikTok, so I think I’ll try to keep at it. Hope you enjoyed it. See you next time.