Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I didn’t write anything here last weekend because I was much busier than expected; but, I did see the new Knives Out in theaters, which I enjoyed. I also sat down and watched Chantal Akerman’s News From Home (in response to its naming as one of the 100 best movies of all time in the once-a-decade BFI poll) which I am a little embarrassed to say I almost cried to considering it is literally just clips of Akerman around New York City while she talks about how her mom misses her. Movies are really something special, man.
But I’m not here to talk about the movies. Or music. I’m here to talk about TV—specifically, a small note about one show I talked about last time and a very large note about another one I talked about last time. Before we get moving, I’ll mention that since I’ll be in Chicago soon, the next few newsletters are just gonna be lists of my favorite albums, movies and (something else, undecided) of the year. Probably all unranked cause I’m too lazy for numbers. I’m still looking for suggestions on what to do while I’m in Chicago too so if you’ve still got something to tell me, you know how to reach me. On to the good stuff.
One Multilingual Show I’m Now Sure Is Decent:
Last week I mentioned how I was watching 1899, the new period-piece-drama-slash-sci-fi-mystery-box series from the creators of Dark, which is like one of five actually great things that Netflix has done. My boyfriend and I finished the first season last week, and it was… alright? I undoubtedly had a good time watching it, and I’ll tune in day 1 for the second season, but it didn’t rewire my brain or show me something I never even would’ve thought of like Dark did. Perhaps I expected too much. (I also think discovering Netflix turned the early-1900s studio where Fritz Lang filmed Metropolis into one of those 360-degree Mandalorian green screens for this show negatively impacted my opinion more than I would care to admit. Call me a film snob all you want, but you can’t argue that’s a positive thing!)
It’s hard to discuss such an easily-spoilable show to say what I did or didn’t like without, uh, spoiling, so I’ll say: if you like great costuming, fun mysteries that turn into other mysteries, spooky vibes, and really goofy sci-fi that takes itself way too seriously, give this a shot. But, seriously, just go watch Dark. (And if you are going to watch 1899, please do not watch it dubbed. The entire concept is literally based around a bunch of people who don’t speak the same language all stuck on a boat together. Why would you want to watch that in English, as Netflix apparently defaults to doing? It defeats the whole purpose!)
One Multilingual Show I’m Now Sure Is Great:
Mike White, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. The White Lotus has kicked into high gear and is, yet again, can’t-miss TV. My concerns about the season going nowhere have been totally unfounded, as it seems like every character is now in free fall and headed towards an absolutely tragic end for next Sunday’s finale. And it is delicious. I can’t remember the last time I watched a series where every single character’s life got significantly more miserable in just two episodes. White Lotus is the kind of show that you want everyone around you to be watching. It’s incredibly fun to talk about and incredibly fun to watch in-person with others. It’s hilarious and suspenseful and shocking in equal amounts, and one of the most fun miniseries that HBO has ever produced. If you aren’t watching yet, go NOW!!!
****SPOILERS FOLLOW FOR ALL OF THE WHITE LOTUS SEASON 2. SKIP TO THE END IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED YESTERDAY’S EPISODE OR DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE WHITE LOTUS***
Who’s Gonna Bite It?
Just as in the first iteration of this anthology series, the season opens with a flashforward letting us know that there has been a death on the hotel premises. This time, though, one guest is found floating in the water before “other guests” are mentioned to be found deceased. We know Daphne is safe, as she discovers the sea corpse. We know Rocco and Valentina are safe, as they talk about it. Everyone else? Fair game for a toe-tag. Let me theorize for a bit on potential scenarios below. Of course, I’m probably 100% totally wrong on these, but it’s fun to guess, right?
Probably Safe:
Portia & Albie
Come onnnnn. You know these two are meant to end up settling for each other at the end in a twisted reprisal of Season 1’s arc with Shane and Rachel. Granted, Shane was a horrible manchild while Albie is certainly a nice boy, but both women went through similar identity crises based around what they wanted their future to look like and what they wanted their relation to a partner to be. I think it’s very likely that Portia also ends up in a relationship that she only chooses because it’s the safe option.
How They Could Die:
If either of these two were to die, it would have to be Albie, given his involvement with Lucia (who I think will likely bleed his bank account dry by season’s end) and his desire to live out the opposite of J. Cole’s most famous lyric. Maybe he’ll get into a fight with her pimp and it will go awry. I think it’s much more likely, however, that he’ll walk away from Sicily having turned into his father and grandfather after being scammed by an escort, finishing his portion of the Di Grasso arc on a dour note. This is The White Lotus, after all. No one really gets a happy ending.
Mia
Boringggggg choice. While it’s on brand for the chaotic bisexual to meet her end, it’s much more likely that she gets discovered by a Grammy-winning producer, unless there’s some story element I’m totally forgetting.
How She Could Die:
Perhaps Giuseppe comes back, sees she has stolen his piano job and straight-up murders her—or poisons her back in retaliation—while she dies in Valentina’s arms. Or perhaps she dies mid-coitus with Bert (see next blurb.) Or somehow she gets caught up with Lucia again and they both meet their end. I don’t know, really feels like I’m grasping at straws here. Next!
Harper
Unless Ethan murders her (which is totally possible) I don’t see this going poorly for Ms. Plaza. I especially think Daphne would’ve freaked out a little more if her new BFF was floating face-down in front of her… unless she really did sleep with Cameron, and Daphne ends up killing her. Who can say?
Bert/Nonno/the old man
While it’s true that Bert seems like the easiest candidate, given that he’s injured himself several times already on the trip and just had his sole reason for coming to Sicily destroyed by a native woman threatening to kill him with an artichoke, I feel like this one is way too obvious. He’s just not enough of a major player for it to be meaningful, either, unless it ties into one of the other arcs in some way.
How He Could Die:
Perhaps Mia finally listens to Lucia and becomes truly at peace with having sex for money. She performs in the hotel lounge again and Bert compliments her for the hundredth time, where she asks him if he wants to get out of here. He gets so excited when he gets his wish of seeing a woman naked one last time… that he has a heart attack and dies right there. This is the only way I could think of to tie it in with other arcs, and would be a pretty awful end for Valentina, Mia, and all three Di Grassos, which means it’s totally on brand for the show. I don’t know if Mike White is mean enough to show us a naked F. Murray Abraham, though.
Tanya
Is there anyone on earth NOT watching this show for Tanya? Sure, her arcs are far from the most interesting part of either season, but it’s undeniable that Jennifer Coolidge is the main draw here. It would be very bold of Mike White to eliminate the fan favorite character and attempt a third season without her. I just don’t see this one happening. What I *do* think will happen is that Greg, who we now know is involved with Quentin, will attempt to blackmail Tanya... and perhaps after executing this plan, Greg and Quentin (whose name I totally did not have to look up before I wrote this) dump her body in the sea?
It’s Looking Dicey:
Dominic
Not sure how to feel about this one, really. Several—and I mean SEVERAL—signs point to Dominic making his way out. In the first few minutes of the season, we’re told of a Silician legend where a foreigner sleeps with a local woman and is later decapitated after it’s discovered that he has a wife and kids. Dom has done that with TWO women!! We’ve also been shown a million paintings and sculptures corresponding with the legend (including the title sequence!!!) IN ADDITION, there’s an entire episode about The Godfather. Every movie trivia buff knows that The Godfather uses oranges throughout as a signifier of death and doom. And, uh, our buddy Dom has been seen eating oranges several times at breakfast.
Which is why… I think it’s all a red herring. As much as I would like to see Dom die and have a funeral scene so we could get a Laura Dern cameo (she’s the one playing his wife, on the phone) it feels anti-climactic for Dom to be one of our dead guests. What reason does he have to die, really? It would have to be something related to Lucia and Mia, but I think Albie or Cameron are much more likely to be on the bad end of that sort of plotline. We know this series loves a good anti-climax, though, and it’s hard to ignore the signs…
Alessio
Everything has been building to an ominous showdown with this pimp, so perhaps one of the Di Grassos (likely Albie) kills him to protect Lucia? He’s not a guest, though, which means he’d have to be the one in the sea, and it would be pretty boneheaded for someone to lure him to the hotel and then axe him right there. But maybe that’s the point…
X-Factor
Greg
Oh, Greg. How will you play into this finale? Living or dead, you’re the missing puzzle piece, and however Greg reappears in the finale will determine how everything plays out for everyone else. I know it’s completely fucking obvious to say “the guy who disappeared for half the season is the key to it all!” but, in my defense, it’s not often that you hang out with an old gay dude who talks about his “lost one true love” and then you find out that the same one true love is your husband that’s been calling you fat and leaving in the middle of your romantic getaway to go on secret trips. Poor Tanya. (More on Greg in Quentin’s blurb.)
On Death’s Doorstep:
Lucia
Again, not a guest, so she’d have to be the one in the sea. Lucia has repeated a story about sex workers getting punished in the end, though, and she is at least tangentially related to every single one of the show’s plotlines.
How She Could Die:
It could literally be anything. Alessio? Cameron? Maybe even Dom or Albie? Maybe a total freak accident? I would love for Lucia to get away from this with a Di Grasso fortune, but it’s not looking likely.
Ethan & Cameron
Ethan is fucking losing it. It’s plain to see that the rest of his arc will involve him going insane over whether Cameron had sex with his wife or not. Maybe he kills Cameron in a fit of jealous rage? Maybe they both get in a fight to the death? Maybe Ethan takes Cameron out on a boat ride and crashes into the rocks? Maybe they went out on their jet-skis again and rammed into each other? I don’t know. But whatever’s happening with Ethan, it’s not looking good! There’s also the unresolved plot of Cameron not paying Lucia and Mia for their night of debauchery. Who knows where that will lead, whether it’s with Ethan, Daphne, Alessio, or someone else…
Quentin/Greg/Jack/…Tanya?
At this point, it feels obvious that Jack is not really Quentin’s nephew. (There’s only so many HBO shows that can be about incest.) What if the sex worker getting “punished” in the end isn’t Lucia, but Jack? Walk with me for a bit here as I do my best Benoit Blanc impression and make my wild, final prediction.
Greg was mad that Tanya brought Portia along on the trip. Based on the photo, it feels safe to assume that he’s got SOME kind of secret scheme brewing with Quentin. Portia being in Sicily ruins his plan. How can he get her out of the picture? Enter Jack, a hot, goofy bonehead promising to take Portia on an adventure… and away from Quentin’s Palermo villa.
Jack tells Portia that Quentin is about to come into a lot of money. From where? There’s no reason to bring this up in the penultimate episode, in a conversation about Tanya, if it has nothing to do with her. He also tells her “sometimes we do things we don’t want to do.” This could be an allusion to him fucking Quentin, sure, but it feels important that he said it before drunkenly passing out—likely alluding to the greater scheme.
Quentin spends several episodes—and several thousands, and several lines of cocaine—trying to get Tanya to cheat on her husband before succeeding in the final minutes of the episode. (Side note: I loved Tanya getting stupid high and then telling the mafioso that he has “really big pupils.”) Since we know Greg is involved, this has to be related to him somehow. Earlier in the season, Greg mentioned a prenup and how if Tanya divorces him he’ll be left with nothing. Maybe Greg and Quentin are trying to invalidate the prenup by getting proof of Tanya’s infidelity. Much more likely: if she dies, Greg automatically gets everything.
Here’s what I predict: In some form or fashion, whether by deadly means or otherwise, Greg and Quentin will succeed next episode. (Or at least think they did.) Greg, Quentin and Jack will sail to the island that Quentin mentioned on his first appearance (the island just outside of the resort, where the owner was forced out of her fortune and found mysteriously dead, mirroring what they’ve done to Tanya.)
And then, in a fit of passion, or rage, or emotion, or something, Jack will grab control of the boat from the deaf captain with the silly hat and crash the boat into the island. Perhaps Portia and Tanya are even on the boat and survive! Whatever happens, I feel pretty confident about all three points above and that Quentin, Greg, or Jack (or maybe even Tanya, or maybe all four) are going to be our dead guests in the finale next week. Hope you guys will watch along with me and maybe laugh at me when I got all this completely wrong. I’m just happy to watch such a fun series that keeps me guessing.
Closing Thoughts:
That was a lot more than I expected to write about one TV show, to be honest. If you read this far (or skipped to the end, and I don’t blame you if you did) thanks for scrolling. Shoot me a message telling me what you think the best TV show you’ve watched this year is. I’m always on the lookout for more. Stay tuned next week for an end-of-year entry.