so i was recently alerted that my scheduled end of year posts that were supposed to go out two saturdays ago and last saturday did not actually post. whoops! that’s fine, though; my movie list has changed since then anyway, plus it gives me more time to actually write stuff instead of just putting down a list. this is a long one, so strap in. without further ado, my top 10 movies of the year:
okay just kidding. honorable mentions and worst movies first.
ELVIS - this movie is so fucking insane. the Whole Lotta Red of biopics. the Speed Racer (2008) of biopics. maximalism at its finest. austin butler made me see god. i’m just as shocked as you that this movie is good. (but your mileage may vary.)
AmbuLAnce - speaking of movies that are insane: Michael Bay is back baby. coked-up action goodness. a dumb guy movie that simultaneously pushes the art of filmmaking forward. this honestly deserves some kind of award for getting me to believe that jack gyllenhaal and yahya abdul-mahteen are brothers.
NOPE - ‘Jaws by way of Jordan Peele’ turned out to be a lot better than it had any right to be. fantastic bounceback from the snoozy sophomore slump that was Us. much has been said about the house with blood rain and the final chase, but the ending for steven yeun’s character is the scene that’s stuck with me the most.
Scream - i know, i know. most horror fans i know hated this for being too up its own ass and being too self-referential. i’d love to know what any of those people think the other Scream sequels are about. definitely missing Wes Craven’s touch (RIP) but the fact that this was even passable compared to all the other shitty horror reboots we’ve gotten in the past few years feels worth celebrating.
Terrifier 2 - not for the faint of heart. as gory and disgusting as you’ve heard. some of the best lighting and effects i’ve seen in the past decade. grossed the shit out of my old roommate. thought the first was absolutely dreadful but walked out of the theater here with a big smile on my face. art the clown is a new horror icon
Stars At Noon - unfortunately did not love this incredibly sexy slow-burn espionage thriller—which are five words that usually indicate an easy winner for me—but if you can get past joe alwyn’s wooden performance and some irksome political inaccuracies (you’re telling me the CIA allies with the sandinistas?) you’ll see that no one can capture the human touch on screen quite like claire denis can.
and the worst movies i saw:
The Grey Man - this is one of the most expensive movies ever made and i can’t remember one thing about it other than the Russo brothers are talentless hacks
Texas Chainsaw Massacre - leatherface takes on cancel culture! isn’t that so wacky and unique? there’s a part in this where the director’s instagram handle is on screen. tesla self-driving is a major plot point. so boring and unmemorable that i couldn’t even enjoy watching a bunch of landlord main characters die
Not Okay - the second ‘cancel culture’ satire to be on my list—i think maybe directors should just give this up entirely. film equivalent of one of those new yorker articles about Dimes Square or living in Bushwick or whatever. possibly the most made-for-Twitter-discourse movie of all time which is so funny because no one talked about it
They/Them - fails as a slasher and as an attempted diversity showcase. some kinda weird pro-cop anti-violence horror where all the queer people who have spent the movie being tortured get over their gay trauma via group singalong of P!nk’s “Fuckin Perfect” (????????????)… i had nightmares about this one but not for the reason they wanted.
BARDO - those who know me know birdman and the revenant are some of my least-liked movies of the past few years, but i still went into this with open eyes… and i found it masturbatory and ruthlessly dull. Pain & Glory for annoying people. if AGI wants to make some self-insert autofiction shit about thinking he’s god’s gift to Mexico, that’s cool. but the movie surrounding it has to be good or you just look like an asshole!
#10: Triangle of Sadness
really just a european Parasite with a bunch of vomit and diarrhea gags. sure, it doesn’t have much new to say, and yeah mark fisher capitalist realism, etc, etc, but when woody harrelson is ranting about how the CIA killed JFK + malcolm x and installed puppet dictators while rich people around him are vomiting their guts out or being blown up, i can’t help but laugh my ass off. and neither could the audience in the theater with me! kind of a mess throughout and really should’ve been about 30 minutes shorter. very dependent on your tolerance for obvious, over-the-top satire but it was certainly speaking my language.
#9 - RRR
we need more movies where colonizers are skewered, bludgeoned, drowned, burned alive, buried alive, devoured by tigers, eaten by wolves, whipped, torn in two… well, you get it. crazy ass action movie from start to finish. seriously hard to overstate how fucking weird and awesome this is—there’s a fucking DANCE BATTLE between our two heroes and some british white dudes and a few minutes later those white dudes are getting their faces eaten off by leopards!!! this masterpiece just made me realize how wack american propaganda is, honestly. why don’t we have a movie with, like, sam adams and paul revere going john wick on the brits and being kinda gay with each other at the boston tea party? just something to think on. universal studios, hit my line.
#8 - Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
who would’ve guessed a children’s movie would be some of GdT’s finest and most passionate work? surpasses all other pinocchios, even the disney version that we all grew up with. it definitely has no concept of subtlety—Pinocchio points to a crucifix, imitates Christ’s pose on the cross, and asks Geppetto why the town of 1930s Italian fascists loves “that wooden boy” but not him, for example—and it has too many musical numbers, but it might be harder to find a more heartfelt movie that came out this year. i don’t think i need to tell you that the stop-motion work here is some of the best i’ve ever seen—but i do need to tell you that Mussolini is a character in this, voiced by Tom Kenny (the voice of Spongebob,) and he does execute Pinocchio at point blank for making a poop joke about his name. i loved this but i also really can’t stop thinking about that i’m so sorry
#7 - Crimes of the Future
Cronenberg is one of our greatest sickos; even just watching the trailer above again had me feeling uneasy. acting masterclass across the board, but especially from kristen stewart, who has blossomed into one of our finest actors. dense and philosophical and really fucking gross—it takes a lot to freak me out, but a certain foot-related scene had even me wincing. certainly a love-it-or-hate-it but i couldn’t take my eyes off the screen for even a second. we’ll all be talking about this body horror masterpiece for years to come. for me to say any more would spoil the fun.
#6 - The Banshees of Inisherin
it feels like a miracle from heaven that we get another McDonagh with colin farrell and brendon gleeson. the funniest and simultaenously most heartbreaking movie i’ve seen in ages. McDonagh’s greatest strength and greatest weakness continues to be that he’s a playwright at heart, not a screenwriter, but it works for him to devastating results here. kind of a weak third act but i also didn’t want it to end. oscar speculators say this has a pretty good chance of taking home the big one and if it did i’d be so happy. just two weird little irish guys doing fucked up shit. vibes.
#5 - Jackass Forever
the hardest i’ve ever laughed in my life is sitting in the theater this year with my best friend watching jackass forever. i was crying, my face hurt, my chest hurt, my legs hurt, i was hyperventilating, and still i couldn’t not laugh—and when i did, it was because i was on the edge of my seat saying “holy shit” or “they’re not really doing this… are they?”. when we left the theater i couldn’t even start the car up because we would just say one word from a bit and start laughing all over again. there’s not a single bad scene in here; it’s so obviously one of the funniest movies ever made, and surprisingly heartfelt, too. welcome back, knoxville. you were sorely missed.
#4 Top Gun: Maverick
ok i know what i said earlier about american propaganda being ass but this is an exception. barely a military movie, more just “tom cruise does insane stunts on land air and sea while he grapples with the death of the movie star” so of course it’s amazing. corny and earnest as fuck in equal measures and seems directly at odds with the current CGI slop we get 20 times a year. no need for me to explain how incredible the action is or anything like that (because we’ve all seen this) so instead i leave you with a story. the second time i saw this some old guy stood up and started saluting the screen—blocking the projector!—when Ice started saying “the world needs maverick.” people had to turn around and yell at him to sit down. he later complained while walking out that there wasn’t enough military stuff
#3 - TÁR
the only movie i saw this year to leave me speechless. provocative, thoughtful, surprisingly funny and a very heavy watch. can bad people make great art? can we excuse it? where do we draw the line? a powerhouse performance from blanchett and a very welcome return from todd field makes this a worthwhile watch. hard to really talk about this movie without spoilers but i will say the ending is one of the meanest, funniest ways to close out a picture that i’ve ever seen.
#2 - The Fabelmans
holy shit guys. this Spielberg guy is really good. imagine getting to make a movie about how you became one of the world’s most talented artists and the movie proves you right!!! what the fuck!!!!! ends with a really long david lynch bit so you know it’s perfect. i’m very surprised at the online disdain for michelle williams’ performance—she’s the heart and soul of the movie, to me. hate to sum this whole thing up as ‘movie magic’ but I can’t recall anything in recent memory that fits those two words as well as this. insane that he can still put out some of his best work at 76 years old. see this as soon as you can.
#1 - Decision To Leave
hilarious, heart-wrenching, romantic as hell and a damn good detective flick. first movie i’ve ever seen that does something cool with modern technology instead of just figuring out a way to get the characters away from their smartphones. and the camerawork and editing, holy shit… probably like 50 of the craziest transitions i’ve ever seen in my life. this movie is catnip for those “this should be studied in every film school” accounts. trying to refrain from saying too much about this but go in as blind as possible. you’ll be glad you did. kinda funny that two of the best movies i saw this year use the symphonies of Gustav Mahler as a plot point. Park Chan-wook has done it again.
Closing Thoughts:
i still haven’t seen Avatar 2 yet. i kinda feel like a fake film buff. there’s a good chance it would end up on this list if i HAD seen it, given what i know about it and my general love for james cameron. but ah well… i’ll get around to it soon.
for fun, some movies i watched for the first time this year and loved that were NOT 2022 releases:
Michael Mann - Blackhat / Collateral
Satoshi Kon - Millenium Actress
Robert Altman - McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Sidney Lumet - Network
David Lynch - Inland Empire
John Woo - Hard Boiled
Chantal Akerman - News From Home
Kiyoshi Kurosawa - Cure
Gillo Pontecorvo - The Battle of Algiers
Wim Wenders - The American Friend
Timo Tjahjanto - The Night Comes For Us
Johnnie To - The Heroic Trio
Steven Soderbergh - Che: Part One / Part Two
Francis Ford Coppola - The Conversation
if you read this far, you’re a trooper. thanks for reading. shoot me a message and let me know what your favorite movie this year was!! final EOY list coming tomorrow. peace.